Jimmy Fallon Blows and Sucks

"Hmm, how can I ruin comedy today?"

Jimmy Fallon. What more really needs to be said? He laughs at his own jokes, his song parodies are lame, and his "impersonations" are not that great either, since he basically just recycles quotes from movies with, at most, partial modifications. I recently rewatched SNL: The Best of Jimmy Fallon, and I can confirm that Jimmy Fallon was not funny in the least. Anytime I smiled or laughed at something, it was another character in the scene. I can't comment on what he contributed to the writing process for SNL, but I can imagine what it was like:


"Hey guys, this will be really funny, let's do this! Hahaha! I am amazingly good at trying to make fun of people that are hundreds of times more successful than I am!"


I also imagine it was soon followed by someone leaning over to another and whispering "Who the fuck let this guy on the show?"

Get used to seeing this face if you plan on watching anything with Jimmy Fallon in it.

I don't think there is a single scene on this special where Jimmy does not crack a shit-eating grin at something else going on. Even things that are not that funny, he seems to think are funny enough to break character for a shit-eating grin. His most notorious incident of this is during the famous "Behind the Scenes with Blue Oyster Cult" skit, know to most as the "More Cowbell" skit. I don't think a single line is spoke that doesn't result in him laughing in the back. What a dipshit.


The most infuriating thing about this special, is the second to last skit is a Grease Parody, that has Jimmy in the role of John Travolta. You honestly expect me to buy that this fucking goof is considered the coolest guy in the cast? Judging by everyone else there, he really is. No wonder these are considered the Dark Days of SNL. When your best talent is Jimmy Fallon, it is time to fucking call it quits. But they didn't.

I would much rather see a Late Night show with Captain Planet railing us all for polluting the planet, than to see anything Jimmy Fallon is apart of.

Now this dipshit has his own Late Night Show. I'd rather watch Jay Leno than even consider viewing 2 minutes of Jimmy's show. In fact, just to be able to say I have seen something from it, I am going to go watch some of it.

The 30 second advertisement I was forced to sit through about jewelry was much more entertaining than the minute and a half I spent watching this. It wasn't funny, it wasn't entertaining, it was ass. Granted, I am not a fan of Robert Pattinson, but you would think making fun of Edward Cullen would at least have potential for a single "HA!" but it didn't. It was a complete fucking waste of my time, just like every moment he was on SNL, just like every moment he hosts an award show, and just like every fucking minute this asshole is on the air with his Late Night show. Fuck you, Jimmy Fallon, you talentless hack.

Phoneix Wright: Ace Attorney

 Note: This is an older post original made on Facebook, that I have since updated and put here. I realized that with the 3DS now out, that this post is awfully dated. I don't care.

Originally released for the Gameboy Advance in Japan under the title Gyakuten Siban (Turnabout Trial) and was generally well received. While not released outside Japan on the Gameboy Advance, it made its way around the world on the Nintendo DS in 2001. You play as, you guess it, Phoenix Wright, a rookie Defense Attorney. You start the game as a complete rookie, never having done a trial in your career, but have promised your long time friend Harry Butz--oops I mean Larry Butz, that you will defend him, as he is being accused of the murder of his girlfriend. Your job is to find Larry innocent of these accusations, and in the process place the blame elsewhere, clearing his name.

I must say, when you hear someone talk about this game you want to say "I'd rather slam my gonads in a toaster oven and turn it on full blast, all while listening to Friday by Rebecca Black, than play this game." But then you start playing the game, and you pull your package out of the toaster oven, turn off that incessant assault on your sanity, and you proudly say "This game is pretty good."


All the cases are filled with humor, pop culture references, as well surprisingly good animation, despite each character only having a few set sprites. However it never feels limited, and you can always see clearly how a character is feeling at the time. The storylines are also very well done and get you invested in what is happening, and really have you trying your hardest to get your client that "Not Guilty" verdict. As you get more and more into the game you start to get really into it, and your emotions begin to lead you to places in your soul you never knew existed. Your feel things you never knew possible. You find your true love! But then she leaves you. But then she comes back, and you start to FEEL like a lawyer. Then comes the fateful day when you hear someone on the bus talking to their friend and you hear something suspicious about the woman they claim to have slept with the night before, and you yell out

Then the bus swerves and comes to a stop, the driver turns around and says "Is there a problem?"

"Yes!" you reply. "This man was just telling his friend that the woman he was with last night had a rack like Pamela Anderson's, and then he mentioned again the woman's chest...

BUT THIS TIME HE COMPARED THE CHEST TO WATERMELONS!"


And then everyone on the bus starts to speak amongst themselves.


"WELL!? WHICH IS IT!" you cry out through the noise and confusion of the babbling passengers. The driver starts to bang his fist on the horn and yells out "Order! ORDER! ORDER!!!" and then the passengers go quiet. The driver turns to the man and says "Well, answer the question!"


The young man looks around, obviously you have him. His testimony is shot, and there's no evidence to prove he's telling the truth, because he's clearly lying!


"Okay!" he yells out and then breaks down into tears. "She was as flat as a board!"  The commotion of the bus passengers starts up again while you stand there victorious as this man weeps, admitting to the fact that his mate the night before was actually the ugliest woman he has ever laid eyes on.

This is my "owned" face.

Phoenix Wright will change your life in ways you had never imagined possible. Your confidence will be bolstered. Your goals in life will be shifted. You will begin to wear blue suits with red ties. You will be a new person.


Well, maybe not, but the game itself is definitely worth taking a look at. If you have a DS, and do not pick this game up, then I only have one thing to say.